A very literal cat

Hi, Fred, what are you doing?

“I claims dis tree to be pervider of shade for all vershuns Kibble Kids.”

“Especially in this heat wave, that’s a very good idea. But – can only Kibble Kids sit in its shade? What about Uncle Pete, the Stripes and the hoomans around here?”

“Dey welcom too. But gots to pay told.”

“You mean a toll to use the shade? How much is it?”

“For haff day, one fresh mousie. Plump.”

“Ow, that’s kind of steep. What’s the toll for an hour?”

“Three dragon flyz.”

“Fred, you know what a terrible hunter I am. Can I pay someone to hunt for me?”

“We Kibble Kids gots to have meeting over dat. Not in buy-laws.”

“Outlaws, maybe?”

“Hooman, you haz awful humor.”

“Sorry, Fred. But it’s fun to tease you because you take everything so seriously and literally.”

“What kind of litter? None of us use litter box unless snowed in. How dat get into us talkin?”

“Liter-ally. You take everything to mean exactly what’s said.”

“Dat wrong?”

No, not at all. Very rare in this day and age though, I think.

“Only for hoomans, who say somepin an not mean it. Cats always say what they mean.”

“I’ll remember that. Where are you going now?”

“Come wish me an I teach you to hunt. No one ever has an it shows.”

“Yes, Fred, there are big gaps in my education. It’s very kind of you to correct some of those.”

“Well, somebody has to. But without whiskers an paws, you may not be very successfull.”

“I’m good at hugs, though. Want one?”

“Sure! Told discounts for hugs.”

“That’s a great solution. Thanks, Fred.”